Saturday, June 21, 2008

You Know You're From Michigan...

An oldie, but it still makes me giggle:

You know you're from Michigan if....

1.You've never met any celebrities.

2. "Vacation" means going to Cedar Point.

3. At least 1 member of your family disowns you the week of theMichigan/Michigan State game.

4. Half the change in your pocket is Canadian.

5. You drive 86 mph on the highway and pass on the right.

6. Your idea of a traffic jam is 40 cars waiting to pass an orange barrel.

7. You know how to play (and pronounce) Euchre.

8. It's easy to get Vernors Ginger Ale, Sanders Hot Fudge sauce and Faygo Pop.

9. You know how to pronounce "Mackinac."

10. You've had to switch on the "heat" and the "A/C" in the same day.

11. You bake with SODA and drink a POP.

12. The movie "Escanaba in Da Moonlight" wasn't funny. You consider it a documentary.

13. Your little league game was snowed out.

14. The word"thumb" has geographical meaning, rather than anatomical significance.

15. You show people where you grew up by pointing to a spot on the back of your left hand.

16. Traveling coast-to-coast means driving from Port Huron to Muskegon.

17. You measure distance in minutes.

18. When giving directions, you refer to "A Michigan Turn."

19. You know that Kalamazoo not only exists, but it is either raining or snowing there.

20. Your year has 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road construction.

21. Home Depot on any Saturday is busier than toy stores at Christmas.

22. You know when it has rained because of the smell of worms.

23. Owning a Japanese car was a hanging offense in your hometown.

24. Everyone you meet out of state thinks you know Eminem personally.

25. You drive 60 mph thru 2 feet of snow in a raging blizzard, without flinching.

26.You think Devil's Night is celebrated everywhere.

27.You believe that "down south" means Toledo.

28.You know what a "Yooper" is.

29. "Up North" means north of Clare.

30.Octopus and hockey go together as naturally as hot dogs and baseball.

31.The snow freezes so hard that you can actually walk across it and not break it or leave any marks.

32. Half your friends have a perfect sledding hill right in their own backyard.

27. You actually understand everything i just said.


At +70º -Texans turn on the heat and unpack the thermal underwear. People in Michigan go swimming in the Lakes.

At +60º -North Carolinians start turning on the heat. People in Michigan plant gardens.

At +50º -Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Michigan sunbathe.

At +40º -Italian and English cars won't start. People in Michigan drive with the windows down.

At +30º -Distilled water freezes. Lake Superior's water gets thicker.

At +20º -Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and woolly hats. People in Michigan throw on a flannel shirt.

At +15º -Philadelphia landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Michigan have the last cookout before it gets cold.

At 0º -People in Miami begin freezing to death. Michiganders lick the flagpole.

At -20º -Californians evacuate to Mexico. People in Michigan get out their winter coats.

At -40º -Hollywood disintegrates. The Girl Scouts in Michigan are selling cookies door to door.

At -60º -Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Michigan Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.

At -80º -Mt. St. Helens freezes. People in Michigan rent some videos.

At -100º -Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Michiganders get frustrated because they can't thaw the keg.

At -297º -Microbial life no longer survives on dairy products. Cows in Michigan complain about farmers with cold hands.

At -460º -ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero in the Kelvin scale). People in Michigan start saying, "Cold 'nuff for ya?"

At -500º - Hell freezes over. The Lions win the Super Bowl!


Ellie Hamilton said...

What a riot! Having lived there 4 years (MSU) I totally get it!

And being a little lysdexic, I never realized till now that I've been showing Michiganders on my RIGHT hand where my husband grew up... no wonder they've looked confused.

Ellie Hamilton said...

Oh, wait.... it works the way I do it with the right hand facing palm-forwards... I think... Now I'm confused.... I'm going to go get the atlas...