Thursday, May 18, 2006

Irrelevant

You know how sometimes you're reading a book, and something the author has written screams out at you, just hits you right between the eyes? That doesn't happen to me often, but it did yesterday. I'm reading "The Feast of Love" by Charles Baxter, a novel about an author who is writing a book about people's love stories, and he interviews his friends and his friend's friends. I picked it up a few years ago, and am just now getting around to reading it. It seemed like a sweet, innocuous choice after reading (1) a book about an abused child who makes up a sibling, and, before that one, (2) the Most Convoluted Book Ever Written. Anyway, the main character is interviewing his recently dumped/divorced friend, Bradley, who said this:

"You look up from reading the newspaper and realize that no one loves you, and no one burns for you. The workings of nature are mysterious, but they do account for a certain amount of despair among single persons, the irrelevance you sometimes feel."

That struck me because I feel that way every once in a while. I'll just be sitting there doing something, and I'll suddenly think, "No one is thinking of me. No one is wondering what I'm doing right now." Now, I'm not feeling sorry for myself; it's just a bit jarring. I don't know if it's because this is the first time since my junior year of high school that I haven't had a "significant other", and the whole "single" thing is still really new to me. And I know it shouldn't be that way, but it's a bit distressing.

I know I have other things to focus on, and I'm really not worried about finding a guy right now--either I'll find someone eventually, or I'll become the local Crazy Cat Lady--but I know how Bradley feels. To some extent, irrelevant.

8 comments:

nancytoby said...

We think about you!!!

Okay, wouldn't you be just a little bit paranoid if we were thinking about you LOTS AND LOTS? That would be almost stalking. :-)

Shawn said...

LOL--You KNOW what I meant!

Dawn - Pink Chick said...

Yes, I think about you too. I wish you were coming here in July. I really enjoyed our time together in Tampa.

*jeanne* said...

You NEVER know who is thinking about you!
Your Mom,
your Dad,
your little sister who drives you nuts :-)
your penguin friends
your non-penguin friends.
There's MUCH more to life than romance!

TriFeist said...

I'm with the others. We think of you, especially your quirky sense of humor, a lot. But I think it's Bradley's "no one burns for you" thing really struck me. At the same time, I see lots of relationships where neither burns for the other, unless they are mad. It's sad.

That's why having crazy friends like us thinking about you is a good thing.

From Here to There said...

Been there. The end of serious relationships surprise us in the strangest ways.

It does get easier. And sometime when you least expect it, it won't matter. Then hot boy of your dreams will walk in. Never fails :)

Downhillnut said...

When I was on my long run Sunday I saw someone running towards me and thought "She looks just like Shawn". See? You're on my mind, too.

And about that "burning for you" thing - totally overrated. It can be a lot of pressure to live up to those kinds of expectations!

Even if one HAS a guy? or even a marriage? or kids, etc. one can still feel invisible sometimes.

*jeanne* said...

Hey, hey, birthday girl! Time to put up a more UP post!!!

Or the black racers will come for ya.
( No, no, no, they won't ) :-P